im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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