Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
