Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
