I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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