Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize