yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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