awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize