I puked a lego.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
