Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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