uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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