try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
