i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
