went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
