i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Watching her eat just hurts me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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