I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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