I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize