I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
