is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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