i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
