its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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