The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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