Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
