k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
