I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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