why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
