dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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