They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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