There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
