It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
