C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
