I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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