You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize