Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
