if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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