Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
