$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
