The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Your cock deserves a montage
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize