Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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