Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize