Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
