I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
