those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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