he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
