You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
