Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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