I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just had sex bonerless
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
