What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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