I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
