His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
