Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
