She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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