he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
