Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
