NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
