I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
