My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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