Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
