Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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