Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well you can't waste a boner
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
