i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize