I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize