I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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