if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the raccoons are back...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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