Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
