Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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