i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
