I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
